Hi Thor,

I have been depressed recently. I wonder what is life? I read a lot from books, TV, etc. which says that life is colourful and wonderful. But I don't think so. To me life is so simple and boring. I go to work at 8:30 and go home at 6:00; do the same things every day, and then the next day goes without any changes. The day runs by so quickly. I often say to myself, "I am still very young". But how can I say so at all the time? All that will be changed soon.

There are so many people who enjoy their lives, but how could that be? I mean, what they are thinking and doing? I think you are a man who enjoys life too. You needn't worry about anything, need you? You can do what you like. You have traveled to a lot of places, and known all kinds of people, and tried different jobs you like, and so on. But me... Maybe my life is just beginning, or I haven't great courage to do so or something else... I don't know.

I'm not an excellent woman with wide knowledge and rich working experiences, and I don't want to be an outstanding "strong-woman", either. I know that would be too tiring. A good family and a better salary is enough to me. I do wish I could predict my future now. Can you?

I am an average girl with a lot of dreams. But the dreams looks so pale in such a realistic society. I can hardly have any hopes. That is terrible.

Could you tell me what your feeling was when you entered the society shortly after you left school? Have you ever had that kind of feeling like me?

Best wishes.

yours, rebecca

Hello Rebecca,

Did you ever hear of a book called "The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams? It is very funny and very wise. In this story there is an incredibly clever computer, much smarter than people. A committee of wise men decide to ask the computer "what is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?" Well, the computer gets busy and takes several hundred years to think about the problem. Of course, by then all the wise men are dead, but one day the computer sends a message to their descendants to come and get the answer. The new wise men turn up with excited looks on their faces. The computer rumbles and grumbles, then solemnly tells them that the answer to "life, the universe and everything" is 42 (forty-two). "Forty-two" means something to the computer; it means nothing to the wise men and cannot satisfy them. That is the point of the story.

Imagine if you were an ant, or a bird, and therefore had the brains and feelings of an ant or bird. What sort of explanation of "life, the universe and everything" would satisfy you then? Surely a different answer than the kind of answer that would satisfy a 20 year-old girl. In other words, there is no magic, "true" answer to such questions. It is human nature to wish for magic, true answers to these things. That wish seems to be built into the design of our chemistry, just as we like to eat sweet things, sleep, make babies, and all the rest of it. There is a whole class of people who make a very good income and career out of offering answers, any answers, to "life, the universe and everything": religious priests, political leaders, advertising salesmen, even school teachers. There are always large numbers of people who will buy whatever answers are up for sale. These people then tell each other that they are now happy and satisfied. They become quite desperate to protect the answers they have bought. Sometimes they will even kill other people who happen to have bought their answers to "life, the universe and everything" from a different salesman.

Almost everyone goes through a time of wondering what they are here for, and discovering that the real world is not a childhood dream. In China it happens rather later than in Australia because Chinese students live a "protected" life: that is, not only do they lack experience of the real world (that happens all over the world), but the education system itself systematically lies to them. Thus the shock of going into the working world is especially bad, so that many move from the stupid happiness of dreams to bitter disappointment. That is why so many stop caring, or become corrupt or lazy. The real challenge of growing up is to remain a good person in a world that is not perfect. Nature has given us one brilliant way of handling hardship. It is called a sense of humour. If you can learn to laugh at life, and especially learn to laugh at yourself, then almost nothing can destroy you.

As for boring jobs, well it helps if you have no imagination, and are like a vegetable! If you actually like to think and hope, the solution that most people find is to get another interest that is not part of the job. For some people that is football (they are easy to please!), for some it is collecting stamps, or researching local history... There is no end to the number of special interests that people have. A very few lucky people are able to make their job their hobby, but for jobs like that you must a) know yourself well and honestly, so you can choose wisely, and b) usually fight and struggle for a long time to get what you truly want. Many women make their children their hobby, and try to give them all the dreams that they lost themselves. Some women (and men) even make a hobby of seducing other men (or women), maybe because that helps them to feel a kind of power. My own hobby is trying to understand how things work (the human brain, engines, China ...): that gives me endless fascination. You will have to find your own personal answer to this question, because my personal answer probably won't mean any more to you than the computer's answer of "42"!

You keep saying that you are an "ordinary girl" who just wants a family and a salary rise. Do you really believe that? If you do, then start planning and acting to make the want come true. Those who just sit around waiting to be served often go hungry. If you really think that you are not so ordinary after all, then stop hiding from yourself! When I was fifteen years old my father persuaded me to apply to be trained as an officer in the navy. For a while I even believed that was what I wanted to do, but at last I understood that he wanted me to live out his own dream: he always wanted to be captain of a great ship. So whose dreams do you have? If they are somebody else's dreams, then you will never be satisfied. If they are your very own, then have courage and do what you want to do, however hard the road, and whatever other people say. You will fail many times, but each failure will make you a little stronger.

For the first ten years after I left school I had many boring jobs, and I found it very hard to make friends, even with boys, let alone girls. I assumed that everyone had ideas like me, and couldn't understand why life wasn't working out well. What was wrong with me? Well, there comes a time when you stop apologizing for whoever you happen to be. I eventually realized that everyone didn't have ideas like me, and what was a perfect life for them wasn't a perfect life for me. Now at 54, in the eyes of most people I am a failure. That is because they are measuring by the things that they think are important. They have no other method. I don't think I'm a failure: I've gradually made my mind free to think and create, and that is worth more to me than any money, job, career or even family. That was the price that I paid, a very high price. Don't envy me! But do go hunting in life's great supermarket for what you want to buy, and decide how much you are willing to pay for it..

Best wishes, Thor

@ 14 January 2000

Hi Thor,

Thanks for your advice.

I'm getting better. I have been lost in the past days. I didn't know what the meaning of life was. I didn't know what I could do and what I was after. Frankly speaking, I was just a body without soul. How terrible it was!

Yes, you are right. I've come to realize the truth. Maybe that's also the problem among most young people in China. I remember clearly that I often sat up till midnight reviewing my lessons in order to get high marks. My parents and all the teachers kept telling me that "You must study hard in order to get a good job and have a happy life. That is the only way." So I did study hard for the very simple reason that "I wanted to have a better life."

When I was at school, I expected that the day I left school, what a happy life it would be! There would be no more exams, no control, no competition... I dreamed of that kind of life. I was one of the best students in school, so of course I would be in society too. When that day did come, I soon realized that was not the case. There are all kinds harsh rules I have to obey, and many different people I have to get along with even if I don't like them at all. The competition I've met is much crueler than before. And the pressure I have is invisible and more huge that I have ever had... I think that I was afraid of facing up to the reality before.

I have nothing left but a decision to do something now. Everything to me is zero. I understand that I'll never lose hope at any time.

I kept asking myself these questions: "What is my dream and what have I done for the dream?" To my surprise, there was no answer. I hadn't any specific aims, I just wanted to have a happy life, never thinking about how would it come to reality. That's why I always felt there was nothing to do.

I've understood. Thank you very much!

yours, rebecca