@15 April 2001

Hi Thor,

I came back from Shanghai yesterday. Unfortunately, I got a bad cold during my trip. I couldn't even say a word !
The trip was terrible ! The training courses was wasting my time! To study the history and future of my company, and to learn what a new employee should do? I was the oldest employee amongst all the trainees in the course. I don't understand why my boss sent me to take part in that course. In fact I would prefer to be instructed in some special knowledge such as international trade or settlement etc.

Thank god, I'm getting better today, but unfortunately I'm still a mute. I was eager to come back when I was became ill outside my home. Nobody cared for me, nobody helped me ... I was frightened to be alone. My strong decision of finding a job in another city began to waver.

It is said that men carry a much heavier burden than women,isn't it? Maybe! A man has to sustain not only himself but also his lover, his family, his baby, his parents and so on, so he must struggle with life. He must try his best to earn as much money as he could. So men always complain about their tiredness. How about women? Are all the women lazy? Then why are there so many successful women in the world? They are just paid like men, so they save. They look after themselves like men, don't they? At least I think so.

I am always lost on the road of my life. Every time I make a decision, every time I deny it for some reason. Maybe because I'm wondering if I could achieve it or I care too much about that thing. I remember some great man said "happiness doesn't come from the consequence but the process". Maybe that is why I always feel unhappy. As people said, that is called "life",right? You could find happiness everywhere if you want it. For example, I went to hospital to have a injection for my bad cold. I saw a lot of patients were suffering from illness. Some even couldn't walk and speak. In their eyes, I enjoy my life for I could still smile, and I could leave the hospital very soon. At that time, I suddenly found I was so happy at least for my health.

I have begun to write a book of my own. I want to write down all the things which happened around me especially, my different thoughts in the past over twenty years. I am writing it for myself. As I said, I would enjoy the process of my writing.

Good luck,
Cindy*                                                                                                             [* Rebecca has changed her name to Cindy]